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Dating and Dancing Job Search
    Photo of Don Sutaria
March 2013   
My dear friends, colleagues, clients and students:

This issue has a funny but poignant article: Dating and Dancing During Job Search.

Columbia Career Coaches Network
CareerQuest is proud to announce that Don Sutaria has been accepted as one of the career coaches for Columbia alumni. Designed to give coaching advice to alumni by alumni, the Columbia Career Coaches Network is an invaluable tool to assist alumni in moving within your industry or to strike out in a completely new direction.

Contact Lindsay Hotaling at

Book Endorsement
We thank Richard Nelson Bolles for having the confidence to mention us in What Color Is Your Parachute? for eleven years in a row!

Our book, Career and Life Counseling From the Heart (Your Career is a Pathway to Your Soul!), has received many excellent reviews. Richard Nelson Bolles, author of What Color Is Your Parachute? says:

Career and Life Counseling From the Heart book cover
  "Don Sutaria is one of the career counselors I most admire in the U.S. He talks about things other career counselors don't, like "your soul." Now he has written a book I like a lot, with brilliant short chapters you can digest day by day. I recommend it unreservedly to everyone."  

We are deeply grateful for his endorsement.

This book has been nicknamed as Chicken Soup for Your Career! It encapsulates at least fifty different career topics. Take a peek inside this book at before you decide to buy it. It is also available as an e-book from iUniverse.

Over the past ten years, in our newsletters, we have presented you with articles on contemporary career topics. You can find the articles from the last five years in our Newsletter Archive on our website.

Career Doctor Don's Column
Career Doctor Don Answers Your Questions appears as a regular feature in the International Society for Pharmaceutical Engineering (ISPE) - New Jersey Chapter newsletters. Visit to read more.

Articles on
Several of our articles will continue to appear on the website The mission of this website is to "Help Garden State Business Grow."

CareerQuest's Blog
If you have not checked out our revamped blog recently, please do so. We have some interesting things to share with you. You can find it at Your feedback is always appreciated.

Keep your feedback coming. Please feel free to share these newsletters with your friends, remembering to give us due credit.

Until we meet again through the magic of email,

Peace! Love! Shalom!

Don Sutaria, MS, IE (Prof.)
Founder, President & Life-Work Coach

  MBAs Rate Top Ten Companies for Employment  
  The Latest from the CareerQuest Blog

Universum Communications Inc. recently surveyed MBA graduates to rate employers in terms of top ten companies they would like to work for and here are the results...

  Dating and Dancing During Job Search  
  by Don Sutaria
'Tis better to have loved and lost than
never to have loved at all.

- Alfred Lord Tennyson, English poet     

First, let me ask you a question.

Which activities during your job search most closely resemble something from your personal and social life?

Would you believe they are dating and dancing?

The Hiring Playlet

This hiring playlet takes place in three acts.

Act I: First Interview
   Interviewer to interviewee: Do you love me?
   Interviewee to interviewer: Yes!
End of Act I

Act II: Second Interview
   Interviewer to interviewee: Do you really love me?
   Interviewee to interviewer: Yes, of course!
End of Act II

Act III: Third Interview
   Interviewer to Interviewee: Do you really, really, love me?
   Interviewee to interviewer: Yes, most certainly!
End of Act III

Encore and Finale
   Interviewer to interviewee: You are hired!
End of Playlet

Seems familiar? Well, it is!

One of Dale Carnegie's principles is: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

You can never win or lose if you don't run the race!

Choices of Vocation and Marriage

Dale Carnegie is one of those people who has had a tremendous influence on my life. In his book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, he has a chapter on One of the Two Major Decisions of Your Life. These are, first, your vocation, and second, whom you are going to marry. He goes on to say that frequently both of these great decisions are gambles.

I am going to assume for the moment that the career you have chosen is your passion, mission, vocation or calling. You are at the stage of giving job interviews.

Psychedelic Furs was a British band which started in 1978 and disbanded in 1991. Their famous song, Love My Way, ends with the following lyrics:


Click to listen
It's a new road I follow where my mind goes,
So swallow all your tears my love and put on your new face,
You can never win or lose if you don't run the race!

How true that is!

The Ten (10) Axioms of Job Search

Axiom 1: Salesperson's Stance
I know it is hard not to take it as a personal rejection, but can you suggest any other option? If your date dumps you, you can sigh amongst all your emotional pain and say, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!" Is it any different if you don't get the job you want? Undoubtedly, there are so many similarities between dating and job search. Ever heard: It's not you, it's me!

Axiom 2: Better Days Ahead
Statistics show that very few people are married to their first love. You may be rejected from the very first job you have your heart set on. Difficult as it is to accept, it may the best thing that may happen to you. A better job may come along! A more compatible spouse may surface! We have to keep that faith.

Axiom 3: Be Yourself
This concept is usually hammered into our heads by our parents and teachers, but oh! how we resent it! It takes a lot of maturity to understand its value. In the recent (2006) hidden gem of a movie, Little Miss Sunshine, the little girl, in spite of coming from a dysfunctional family, wins the title based on the advice of her grandfather to be herself. Grant you it is a sugary, Hollywoody movie. I am trying to point out an analogy here, without stretching it and breaking it!

Axiom 4: Masochism
In job hunting, you have to try hard to sell yourself, again and again and again...and possibly be rejected, again and again and again! Is that any different from dating? Is that much different from asking a person again and again for a dance and being repeatedly turned down? Is there any pleasure in being abused, rejected or dominated? Do you get my point?

Axiom 5: On-Line Resumes and On-Line Dating
After reading a resume, the interviewer has an image of the interviewee. The interviewee has reviewed the potential company's website and has formed opinions about it. Some of these images are glamorous and some are not! Some are exploded during the first meeting. Isn't that akin to dating someone for the first time, after having seen their personal profile and photograph on the dating services' websites? The first date or the first interview brings it all to a head, warts and all!

Do you really, really love me?

Axiom 6: Postmortems
We get very introspective and analytical when our relationships fail to progress after the first date or the first interview, with no second 'interview' in sight. We wonder where we went wrong in our speech or action. We agonize over it, determined never to repeat our mistakes. This is of course, very human! Need I say more!

Axiom 7: Adam & Eve and the Forbidden Fruit Complex
I would say it is pretty good advice to try and get a job when you are already employed. If you are unemployed, you are sometimes treated as damaged goods. Compare that with a social situation where you have your arm wrapped around someone which makes you look taken, thereby raising your quotient as an attractive person...the forbidden fruit! You are an intelligent reader and let me stop here while I am ahead.

Axiom 8: Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match!
Ah! You are not alone! Like in Oriental arranged marriages, the matchmaker or headhunter can find you a mate or a job. If you are hot, ( can fill in the blanks..), in a hot field or very attractive/handsome, the matchmaker may pay off...but don't bet your horses on it!

Axiom 9: Networking and Friendships
We rely so much on our friends and develop a compatible social circle with the help of our friends. Why should it be any different for job search where your friends provide leads through your network? I have personally given up on the term networking a decade ago, because of its selfish, negative connotation, and developed a new copyrighted term called PFD (Professional Friendship Development)...just kidding about the may use this term freely.

Axiom 10: Strong-arm Tactics
If you propose to Jane on Thursday to marry you, and give her an ultimatum that if you do not receive an answer from her by Sunday, you are going to propose to Mary on Monday, how do you think Jane will feel? You also tell Mary that you are waiting to hear from Jane. Did you consider Mary's feelings? Guess what, buddy, you have lost both of them! Are you surprised? Yet many times I have seen this strategy being used during job hunting. This strategy can backfire very seriously, wiping out even future chances with other companies, because news travels.


Don Sutaria, also known as "Career Doctor Don", is Founder and President of CareerQuest. He has been quoted frequently in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, on radio and television and has taught at various colleges. He is the author of Career And Life Counseling From The Heart (Your Career is a Pathway to Your Soul!).

Find me on LinkedIn Don Sutaria, M.S., I.E. (Prof.)   
Phone: (908) 686-8400     Fax: (908) 686-8400 (on request)     Cell: (908) 377-9015   
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